We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
