i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i came on her dog
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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