mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
