very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
