Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
