what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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