dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
vagina is talking i cant
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
