your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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