Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
