This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
