I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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