i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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