:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
