Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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