Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
