i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
