that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
