she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
