I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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