I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
