Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
honey bunches of taint.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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