in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
