I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
