i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
