I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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