wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
