I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
