it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
