just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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