If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
