ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
