All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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