You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You are a genius and a whore.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
