If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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