Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
