I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
