i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
