we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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