We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
