Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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