You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His nipple licking is glorious
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