I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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