Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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