My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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