who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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