sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
