he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
