If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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