Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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