i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
