dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
