i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
