Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
