he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
