She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
