it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
