i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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