So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
