I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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