so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
