Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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