I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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