god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
